Exhibition - Picture of Us

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Pregnant Pause main text

1. The Pregnant Pause: Waiting & Waiting

For each of the mothers, finding out there was a complication with their pregnancy meant big changes needed to happen. These included finishing up at work, stopping regular activities, and being told they needed to rest at home even as early as mid-way through their pregnancy (20 weeks).

For each of the mothers, finding out there was a complication with their pregnancy meant big changes needed to happen. These included finishing up at work, stopping regular activities, and being told they needed to rest at home even as early as mid-way through their pregnancy (20 weeks). Their lives began to be centred around hospital appointments: scans to check the baby’s growth, Cardiotocography (CTG) monitoring to check fetal heart and well-being, and meetings with the midwives and doctors.

Many of the mothers had to come and stay in the hospital, separating them from their families for days or even weeks before their baby was due to arrive. These long periods of bed rest at home or in the hospital meant that the mothers often felt isolated and alone, day and night, with nothing but thoughts about what might happen to their baby.

Doorlight

The world is continuing outside the door...
but you are stuck

Chair in corner

Empty chair
and sockets for TV
but nothing in either.
No distractions
from being in a hospital bed.

Window

I asked if I could be moved to the
window
Just to have something else to look at
all day
Instead of just the curtains.
It was nice to look at the lights outside
and think about family
and hopefully
bringing the baby home for Christmas

Tea for one

"Tea for One"

Chair end of bed

"If you already have babies at home,
that chair remains empty a lot"

Magnet board

"Home Away From Home:
Trying to have
a little part of your heart
with you"

Preparing For You

2. Preparing For You

When babies will be born very early or small, parents need to prepare for this mentally, but also practically, in terms of getting clothes that will be small enough to fit their tiny baby. Many parents and family members knitted tiny hats and clothes for their babies. The activity of knitting, and packing the hospital bags, become a way for them to prepare for their baby, and a constructive way to fill the long waiting period. Complicated pregnancies don't always lead to happy endings, and parents also needed to prepare themselves for the worst, as some babies may die during pregnancy or shortly after birth.

Knitted Montage

I was pretty much on my own for most of the day,
and then I took up knitting again. Thank god I know how to knit! That was my go-to then, to keep my mind occupied...
I just started knitting baby clothes, really tiny baby clothes because I didn't know when baby would be born. I was able to concentrate on something, I had kind of purpose, like it gave me something to do and not just sit there doing nothing and waiting... it was just me, my head and the thoughts going around in my head and so the knitting gave me something to do to not feel completely useless.

I was pretty much on my own for most of the day,
and then I took up knitting again.
Thank god I know how to knit!
That was my go-to then, to keep my mind occupied...
I just started knitting baby clothes,
really tiny baby clothes
because I didn't know when baby would be born.
I was able to concentrate on something,
I had kind of purpose,
like it gave me something to do
and not just sit there doing nothing and waiting...
it was just me, my head and the thoughts
going around in my head
and so the knitting gave me something to do
to not feel completely useless.

Bag

You think 'they make these clothes for a reason'
because loads of people have tiny babies
and even that
makes you feel even better.
Repacking the bag made me calmer
it was another job done.
If he came tomorrow
I know I wouldn’t have to worry
because everything is here
and I wouldn’t have to worry

Sheep

I had bought this lovely set
for him to come home in
and when we found out he was going to be smaller
my sister went out and got this.
And I thought it was really cute
because it says
“mommy and me"

Nappy

I thought:

oh my God
they are so

TINY

How are these
going to on somebody?

Knitted blanket

If the baby was stillborn...
I made a small blanket just in case.
...I didn't want the baby to be naked or something
in the coffin and I got a small bunny as well just for the baby to have company.
It is such a lot to take in and a lot to think about, and such a morbid thing to think about.
Nobody wants to lose a baby, nobody wants to lose a child but I think it was helpful for us to talk about it as a couple and for me to knit a few things that if everything came to the worst,
to have something to give the baby.

If the baby was stillborn...
I made a small blanket
just in case.
...I didn't want the baby to be
naked or something
in the coffin
and I got a small bunny
as well
just for the baby
to have company.
It is such a lot to take in
and a lot to think about,
and such a morbid thing
to think about.
Nobody wants to lose a baby,
nobody wants to lose a child
but I think it was helpful
for us to talk about it
as a couple
and for me
to knit a few things
that if everything
came to the worst,
to have
something
to give
the baby.

Books

[journaling] is just like being the true you and goal setting and love and self-care, thoughts create your reality, you know self-talk, manifestation. Its just all like mindfulness and nature, appreciation of life, stress-free living, stillness and sleep, surrender and let go, follow your dreams. (…)

Because its we’re fighting the fight and you forget to actually enjoy it. And they’re (children) gonna be grown up before you know it, you know.”

[journaling] is just like being the true you and goal setting and love and self-care, thoughts create your reality, you know self-talk, manifestation. Its just all like mindfulness and nature, appreciation of life, stress-free living, stillness and sleep, surrender and let go, follow your dreams. (…)

Because its we’re fighting the fight and you forget to actually enjoy it. And they’re (children) gonna be grown up before you know it, you know.”

A sign of Frustration

3. A sign of frustration

This experience was also a source of frustration for parents. Navigating the healthcare system following the diagnosis was often difficult, and at times, completely overwhelming.

This experience was also a source of frustration for parents. Navigating the healthcare system following the diagnosis was often difficult, and at times, completely overwhelming. Each parent wanted to do everything they could for their baby, but still felt it wasn't good enough as their babies weren't getting better. The lack of privacy and personal space in the hospital heightened these feelings.

This experience was also a source of frustration for parents. Navigating the healthcare system following the diagnosis was often difficult, and at times, completely overwhelming.

The hospital curtains became a sign of this: the curtains marked their space but cannot block out sound or light. The curtains also do not give any real privacy as people can walk in without asking permission. Fathers tried to keep a calm environment but felt powerless and frustrated by the perceived lack of forethought by the hospital management about their care at a time of intense vulnerability.

Corridor Chairs

The Fetal Assessment Unit gets busy during the day
but closes for an hour at lunch.
On this morning I had been so long and was waiting to see the doctor and I arrived to the unit when lunch hour struck. Everyone in this unit is so lovely, but it can feel so lonely and colourless at times.

The Fetal Assessment Unit gets busy during the day
but closes for an hour at lunch.
On this morning I had been so long
and was waiting to see the doctor
and I arrived to the unit when lunch hour struck.
Everyone in this unit is so lovely,
but it can feel so lonely
and colourless at times.

Curtains

"This becomes your life three times a week as you are hooked up to the ECG with your monitor and the lovely curtains Flimsy curtains. Supposed to be sound-proof, light-proof, safe and secure
NO!"

"This becomes your life
three times a week
as you are hooked up
to the ECG
with your monitor
and the
lovely curtains
Flimsy curtains.
Supposed to be sound-proof,
light-proof,
safe
and secure
NO!"

Nobody siad it was happening today.

Nobody said
it is actually happening today.
Feeling unprepared,
stressed
and worried about delivery...
then a painful wait.
A decision to deliver made
but then delayed.
Those couple of hours
were like a year.

Chair Note and CU

"Minding mother as well as baby;
how a two minute conversation
can mean the world"

Handwash

“it’s ok around here, it’s tough because it’s hot [in summer]. There’s no air around you, I’m struggling anyway but especially here it’s 10 times worse. So I asked to be moved by the window and it was brilliant to be over by the air then because I can’t sleep I feel like I’m suffocating just stifled… but I got a few hours [ of sleep] today and it was grand.”

Claw

"No anger or malice just utter frustration at the Head Manager of the Health Service Executive. I was just so full of angst that this could be allowed in the 21st century, in such a modern building, with an incredible team, and then have this total disrespect for humanity thrown in there as well for your basic needs and requirements."

"No anger or malice just utter frustration
at the Head Manager of the Health Service Executive.
I was just so full of angst
that this could be allowed in the 21st century,
in such a modern building,
with an incredible team,
and then have this total disrespect for humanity
thrown in there as well for your
basic needs and requirements."

Monitor

"Watching like a hawk; reassuring and worrying. In one sense you wanted her to be born because, not the waiting, but the stress of 'is she going to get worse if they leave it longer?' and 'would she be better out and they can just take care of her?"

"Watching like a hawk;
reassuring and worrying.
In one sense you wanted her
to be born because,
not the waiting,
but the stress of
'is she going to get worse
if they leave it longer?'
and 'would she be better out
and they can just take care of her?"

Placenta Warning

WARNING

The following image is of graphic medical content and may upset some people.

Skip the next slide

Placenta 1

(Healthy Placenta Example on left.)

I’ll never forget it.
I had just had her
and then the placenta came out
and the midwife
(who was fantastic, I can’t fault her)
she held up the placenta to me and said
“look at this, this is a really unhealthy placenta
were you a smoker? Or were you on anything to cause this?”
I wasn't.
But I blamed myself for it.
I was asking myself: what did I do wrong?

Everything will be ok

5. Everything will be ok

When the mothers were told about the complications, they felt a change in how they were cared for in the hospital: they were seen very often and had many scans. They started to develop new pregnancy goals such as "getting to 24 weeks", "getting to 28 weeks", or more. Every extra day of pregnancy improved the likely outcomes for their tiny babies. Being born too soon can mean life long complications for babies, so every extra day was a great achievement. Reaching their pregnancy milestones, seeing their babies get bigger on scans, and hearing their hearts beat each week, gave the mothers reassurance: a feeling that their baby will be ok. They could hang on to that feeling when things got difficult and believe that everything will be ok.

Scan

This was my last growth scan. And we could see the outline of his little face. I thought he looked really cute and I thought: “Look! He looks normal!” There’s nothing wrong. It’s these little things you need to see. So that’s on my fridge at home and I walk pass it every day and think “there he is, he’s fine”

This was my last growth scan.
And we could see the outline of his little face.
I thought he looked really cute
and I thought: “Look! He looks normal!”
There’s nothing wrong.
It’s these little things you need to see.
So that’s on my fridge at home
and I walk pass it every day and think
“there he is, he’s fine”

Bump Mirror

'I hadn’t actually taken many bump pictures. You suddenly just become aware of “Oh my God I’m pregnant” and a Doctor said, "if he was born today, he would have no long term health implications. He may need some help but he should be ok." And so I took that picture to say, “You are really pregnant”

'I hadn’t actually taken many bump pictures.
You suddenly just become aware of
“Oh my God I’m pregnant”
and a Doctor said,
"if he was born today, he would have no long term health implications.
He may need some help
but he should be ok."
And so I took that picture to say,
“You are really pregnant”

Bump bw

After I found out that he was going to be here sooner my nephew became very excited.
He always wanted to touch my bump. These were special moments because you have to remind yourself it’s not all doom and gloom. He would put his hand on my bump and say “hi baby” and to him there was nothing wrong. The baby would move and he would say "the baby is saying hello".

Prozac

Prozac symbolises my battle with being a mother. I had very bad postnatal depression previously and I was so ashamed of it and so embarrassed not able to talk about it (even to myself, not to mind anybody else). Coming from the shame and guilt and weakness that I felt for being such a weak partner a weak mother to now feeling completely different and out the other end and thinking you know what, if I need a dose to help me get through this time... that is absolutely fine.
I have lots of strengths and qualities and I’m getting through it the best I can. And I’m feeling proud now. Brave!

Prozac symbolises my battle with being a mother.
I had very bad postnatal depression previously
and I was so ashamed of it
and so embarrassed
not able to talk about it
(even to myself, not to mind anybody else).
Coming from the shame
and guilt
and weakness
that I felt for being such a weak partner
a weak mother
to now
feeling completely different
and out the other end and thinking
you know what, if I need a dose to help me get through this time...
that is absolutely fine.
I have lots of strengths and qualities
and I’m getting through it the best I can.
And I’m feeling proud now.
Brave!

Memorial to an unborn child

Memorial to an Unborn Child by Martin Hudaceka
When I see that sculpture, it reminds me of me 'After my son died and after I had Leah, because there were days where I didn’t want to carry on. But it’s like the way the child has her hands on the mother’s head to say “I’m here, you have to carry on!'

Memorial to an Unborn Child by Martin Hudaceka
When I see that sculpture,
it reminds me of me
'After my son died
and after I had Leah,
because there were days where I didn’t want to carry on. But it’s like the way the child has her hands on the mother’s head
to say “I’m here, you have to carry on!'

Welcome little one

5. Welcome little one

Welcoming their babies was a bitter sweet experience. The first moments of these babies’ lives are not spent in their parents arms, as they need to be brought straight to the neonatal unit for emergency treatment. Many parents were not able to even hold their babies until days later, and seeing them attached to medical equipment was difficult. Although this period was hard, they also spoke of the great happiness: they were involved in their babies’ care, and could see their progress and watch them get stronger. The parents also detailed the great care and attention given by the hospital staff as they cared for the babies. Their sheer delight when their babies were well enough to go home made them forget everything that had gone before, and finally focus on their future as a family.”

Welcoming their babies was a bitter sweet experience. The first moments of these babies’ lives are not spent in their parents arms, as they need to be brought straight to the neonatal unit for emergency treatment. Many parents were not able to even hold their babies until days later, and seeing them attached to medical equipment was difficult. Although this period was hard, they also spoke of the great happiness: they were involved in their babies’ care, and could see their progress and watch them get stronger. The parents also detailed the great care and attention given by the hospital staff as they cared for the babies. Their sheer delight when their babies were well enough to go home made them forget everything that had gone before, and finally focus on their future as a family.

Welcome little one 9

Seconds old:
everyone there was amazing
but there was a lot of people in that room
They put her in a plastic bag to keep her warm

Tiny fingers and tiny toes.

Tiny fingers,
And
Tiny toes.

Gut Wrenching

Gut-wrenching.
You know she needs it all to keep her safe...
but to see her tiny little body
with so many things in and around and on and attached.
It’s hard to see her covered in so much stuff even though you know it is good for her you hate to see it.
You just want to take it all off and bring her home.

Gut-wrenching.
You know she needs it all
to keep her safe...
but to see her
tiny little body
with so many things
in and around
and on
and attached.
It’s hard to see her covered
in so much stuff
even though you know it is good for her
you hate to see it.
You just want to take it all off
and bring her home.

First photos

First photos are both
wonderful
and horrible.
I want to see my beautiful baby
but I couldn't go see her.

She's in the bst place

she is in the best place,
she is out,
she is getting what she needs.

Hollow

"Melancholy"
by Albert György
"The person is empty, they took out the inside, and by God is it like when you have no control over what’s happening in your pregnancy. I have no choice but accept what they are saying to me.

"Melancholy"
by Albert György
"The person is empty, they took out the inside,
and by God is it like when you have no control
over what’s happening in your pregnancy.
I have no choice but accept what they are saying to me.
When I say I feel empty: there is nothing I can do for her now.
I have to solely rely on the doctors
and as her mother I should be the one doing this.
When you are sitting there watching a doctor change a nappy
or giving her food
you think "that is my job".
You just feel like something is missing."

Shrink

'About a week after she was born my stomach started to shrink. And I started to get relatively flat again. That was hard to see. Most women love losing weight especially post-baby weight but at that stage I should have been 29 weeks.
I should have been getting fatter.
I should have been getting bigger'

'About a week after she was born
my stomach started to shrink.
And I started to get relatively flat again.
That was hard to see.
Most women love losing weight
especially post-baby weight
but at that stage I should have been 29 weeks.
I should have been getting fatter.
I should have been getting bigger'

Carpe Diem

"Now you are staying over in accommodation
close to the hospital and you don't have your baby.
I’ve had a baby, I am technically a mother
but I have barely held her. You can’t touch her when you like, you can’t put her to sleep, you can’t feed her. So you’re a mother but you’re not a mother."

Now you are staying over in accommodation
close to the hospital
and you don't have
your baby.
I’ve had a baby,
I am technically a mother
but I have barely held her.
You can’t touch her when you like,
you can’t put her to sleep,
you can’t feed her.
So you’re a mother
but you’re not a mother.

Welcome little one 8

A good day:
her breathing
is getting better

Cosy baby

One of the NICU nurses
is amazing at doing beds.
The first bed she did for Amelia
she was just so cute,
so snuggled and all cosy.
And she just looks like
a normal baby
snuggling up to sleep
and you look in and you think
'my baby looks happy'.

Baby's First Feed

Baby's First Feed:
One Tiny Syringe of Milk

Cupcakes

Little mini cupcakes
for a little mini brilliant baby
for her
One Week Birthday

Leaps and bounds

Leaps and Bounds: The Twins Going From NICU to the Ward.

Nearly ready to go home all the rest is forgotten.

Nearly ready to go home
all the rest is forgotten.

Welcome little one 6

First family photo!
First time I got to finally hold our baby at 10 days old.

End slide

Our eternal thanks to the mothers and families who contributed to this exhibition and gave us such an incredible window into their world. If you would you like to share your thoughts on the images or leave a testimonial, please do so by filling out the form below.

Developing a Picture of Us

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